Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
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