Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
