Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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