all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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