On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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