Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
