FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
