Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Randomize
