i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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