So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I'm passing your future prison.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
