I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
