I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
