she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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