i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
