I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
