Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
