I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I love you. Go after that dick
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
