dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
