HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
If I had your ass I would rule the world
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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