I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
