When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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