I saw his package. It spoke to me.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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