dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
