If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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