You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
your like the ambassador to my penis.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
