If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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