Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
