I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
