I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
