Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
