are you so shy because you have an std?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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