one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
