I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
