If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
how do flat chested girls get laid?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
