I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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