why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
