last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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