I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
