What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
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Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
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IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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