just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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