hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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