I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
