So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
