you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
