i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
