i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
