can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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