oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
