weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
