My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
why do cheetos always look like penises
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
