You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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