u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
