i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
