Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize