My hand turned me down
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
