Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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