I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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