i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
