TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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