i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
