1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
