your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
