After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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