That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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