I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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