It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
