it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Farmville is her only friend.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
