i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
