you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
it's like iHOP with fire
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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