Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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