i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
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