if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
