wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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