Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
So apparently I’m into choking now
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize