$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
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A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
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He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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