you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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