our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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