i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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