This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
