I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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