I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
